“Heart Condition” Podcast Movie Review

By Daniel Barnes on February 12, 2019 • ( 1 Comment )

Heart Condition (1990; James D. Parriott) – Dare Daniel Podcast Episode 32

“We’re about 15 to 20 minutes into the movie. We have seen Denzel and Bob Hoskins at various times hit women, abuse animals and commit hate crimes. These are the heroes of the film.”

In a Dare Daniel Podcast episode that will haunt your ass forever, hosts Daniel Barnes and Corky McDonnell review James D. Parriott’s 1990 supernatural race relations dramedy Heart Condition, starring Bob Hoskins and Denzel Washington.

A casually racist murder-mystery (minus the mystery) that was rejected by both audiences and critics due to its chaotic tone, insipid comedy beats and clunky action scenes set to slap-bass and scat-singing, the incompetence of Heart Condition is made worse by the extreme competence of the slumming lead actors.

Hoskins plays Moony, a maniac cop and Kurt Rambis superfan who unwittingly receives a heart transplant from his recently murdered rival, the bitch-slapping black lawyer Stone (Washington). After the transplant, Moony starts seeing and interacting with Stone’s ghost, who is eager to solve his own murder.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Daniel and Corky “Have a Heart” by discussing alcoholic cats, spectral fanny packs, hip-hop bowling alleys, baby hostages and bathroom flossers, while bemoaning a makeover montage that will never stop.

HEART CONDITION (1990) FACTS AND FIGURES

U.S. theatrical release date: February 2, 1990

Box office: $4.1 million

Critic scores: 0 on Rotten Tomatoes (34 Audience Score)

This week’s Darer: Gav from the Films on Trial podcast

Why did Gav dare Daniel and Corky to watch Heart Condition? “I’ve been watching a lot of Denzel films recently, and I’ve just discovered this hidden gem. Our mate Denz plays a lawyer who dies. His heart is given to racist cop Bob Hoskins. But it’s not just his heart he receives, as he gets his GHOST as well. The two of them try to work out their racial tensions and attempt to discover who killed Denz. Hilarity ensues, supposedly. This film is painfully awful, but it does feature something that you just don’t get enough of these days in Hollywood: a comedy setpiece featuring a 10-inch dildo!”

IMDB synopsis: “A racist cop receives a heart transplant from a black lawyer he hates, who returns as a ghost to ask the cop to help take down the men who murdered him.”

This week’s referenced movies: Groundhog’s Day; Glory; Who Framed Roger Rabbit?; Collision Course; The Island of Dr. Moreau; Happy Gilmore; Roxanne; The Long Good Friday; Mona Lisa

Ratings for Heart Condition: Daniel – Double Dare; Corky – Double Dare

Racist cop Jack Moony stumbles into action

Chub’s death in Happy Gilmore

Music video for Bonnie Raitt’s “Have a Heart”