“The VelociPastor” Podcast Movie Review

By Daniel Barnes on March 3, 2020 • ( 1 Comment )

The VelociPastor – Dare Daniel Podcast Episode 58

“Self-consciously shitty is still shitty.”

Even the director of The VelociPastor believes that it would be a fool’s errand to find meaning in the film. Thankfully, we’ve got the two fools for the job. Film critic Daniel Barnes and comedian Corky McDonnell dig deep into The VelociPastor, a genre sendup inspired by autocorrect.

The VelociPastor stars Greg Cohan as a priest who transforms into a cheap-looking dinosaur. Meanwhile, appealing newcomer Alyssa Kempinski plays Carol, a prostitute with a pancreas of pewter.

An absurd premise played absurdly for absurdity’s sake, The VelociPastor divided the hosts. Corky found the film funny and charming, but Daniel felt that the jokes didn’t land. The VelociPastor certainly leans into its micro-budget ineptitude. However, that pervasively smug self-awareness only makes the labored comedy bits more aggravating.

Elsewhere, Daniel and Corky discuss wormhole juice, ginger ninjas, dragon warrior antidotes and Aristophanes references.

NEW DARES

Charlie’s Angels (2019) (Charlie)

Kung Pao: Enter the Fist (William K. Wolfrum)

THE VELOCIPASTOR FACTS AND FIGURES

VOD release date: Aug. 13, 2019

Critic scores: 58 on Rotten Tomatoes

This week’s craft beer: Moonraker and Almanac’s Time Bender Hazy DIPA (8% ABV)

This week’s darer: Jaylen Mason

Why did Jaylen dare Daniel and Corky to watch The VelociPastor? “Because I don’t have the courage to watch it myself.”

IMDB synopsis: “After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.”

This week’s referenced movies: Love Actually; Titanic (1997); Love on a Leash; Fight Club; The Birds; Ed Wood; Hard to Kill; Charlie’s Angels (2000); Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; Grindhouse; Sharknado; Birdemic; Spider-Man; The Graduate; Schindler’s List; Pan’s Labyrinth; Apocalypse Now; Airplane!; Top Secret!; The Great Escape; Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; God’s Not Dead 2; The Runaway Jury; This Is Spinal Tap; Jurassic Park; Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo; Dragged Across Concrete; the Star Wars movies; Alien; The Two Popes; The Girlfriend Experience; Hollywood Shuffle; The Foot Fist Way; Citizen Kane