“Speed 2: Cruise Control” Podcast Movie Review

By Daniel Barnes on July 6, 2021

Speed 2: Cruise Control – Dare Daniel Podcast Episode 92

“Zero knots.”

In this week’s episode, Seabourn Legend mainstage mainstays Daniel Barnes and Corky McDonnell excoriate Speed 2: Cruise Control “with an almost sensual pleasure.” Sandra Bullock and not-Keanu star in this lazy and pointless rehash/desecration of Speed that makes the perfectly perfunctory original look like The Wages of Fear. Instead of action or suspense, Cruise Control delivers dumb comedy riddled with continuity errors and a complete lack of spatial-temporal logic.

Elsewhere, Daniel and Corky discuss exploding golf clubs, UB40 serenades, lamp gambits and date boats.

NEW DARE

The Last Man (Anonymous)

SPEED 2 CRUISE CONTROL FACTS AND FIGURES

This week’s themed cocktail: The Geiger Encounter (1.5 oz. Plantation 3 Stars White Rum; 0.5 oz. California Distilled Spirits Arm & Yak Brandy; 0.75 oz. lime juice; 0.5 oz. cinnamon bark syrup; 7 or 8 drops of St. George Absinthe Verte)

U.S. theatrical release date: June 13, 1997

Domestic box office: $48 million (production budget: $160 million)

Critics scores: 4 on Rotten Tomatoes; 23 on Metacritic

This week’s darer: Darcey Self

Darcey’s dare: “It’s Summer blockbuster season and what better way to celebrate than by watching this box office bomb (see what I did there?) Speed 2 (colon) Cruise Control. The whole gang is back together. Well, everyone that is still alive… and who isn’t named Keanu Reeves. So, I guess, really only Sandra Bullock is back aaaand Glenn Plummer. Anyway, this looks like some fun hijinks on the high seas. Enjoy!”

IMDB synopsis: “A computer hacker breaks into the computer system of the Seabourn Legend cruise liner and sets it speeding on a collision course into a gigantic oil tanker.”

This week’s referenced movies: Speed; Spookies; Rawhead Rex; Sleepaway Camp; Kill Bill; the Star Wars movies; the Die Hard franchise; Lolita (1962); The Poseidon Adventure; Assassins (1995); Pulp Fiction; the Police Academy movies; The Professional; Hercules in New York; Titanic (1997); Godzilla; Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood; Spider-Man