“The Beautician and the Beast” Podcast Movie Review

By Daniel Barnes on July 2, 2019

The Beautician and the Beast (1997; Ken Kwapis) – Dare Daniel Podcast Episode 42

“Talk to the hand!”

Long-suffering Slovitzian factory worker Daniel Barnes and “classy European” Corky McDonnell return to Sac City Brews to record their review of Ken Kwapis’ maliciously PG rom-com The Beautician and the Beast.

The film stars Fran Drescher, who rehashes her The Nanny shtick to play spunky beautician Joy Miller. Through a mistaken identity scenario too stupid to contemplate, Joy gets whisked to an Eastern European hellhole called Slovitzia.

There, Joy inexplicably falls for the country’s blood-stained fascist dictator, a grumpy Gus played by Timothy Dalton. Unfortunately, Drescher and Dalton fail to achieve even a Jim Belushi/Courtney Thorne-Smith level of onscreen chemistry.

Drescher does her best, and she’s very likable and charming, whatever her dramatic limitations. However, the script is complete garbage, the direction stinks, and Dalton is still a chin in search of a personality. The film has all the energy of a table read without any of the energy of a table read.

Elsewhere, Daniel and Corky discuss Eugene V. Debs-utantes, Fen-Phen fajitas, dungeon etiquette and Not Udo Kier.

THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST FACTS AND FIGURES

U.S. theatrical release date: February 7, 1997

Domestic box office: $11.5 million (production budget: $16 million)

Critic scores: 19 on Rotten Tomatoes

This week’s craft beer: Calicraft Brewing’s Oak Town Brown (6.7% ABV)

This week’s Darer: Courtney Rounds (with an assist from Ryan Terry)

Why did Courtney dare Daniel and Corky to watch The Beautician and the Beast? “Because it is amazing and I want someone to discuss it so I can either shake my head in agreement or my fist in anger. Also, SPOON MASSAGE.”

IMDB synopsis: “A New York City cosmetologist, mistakenly thought to be a science teacher, is offered a job to teach the children of an Eastern European dictator.”

This week’s referenced movies: Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird; The Beauty and the Beast; The King and I; Heartbeeps; Sleeping Beauty; Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs; The Towering Inferno; the Spider-Man franchise; Top Secret!; The Sound of Music; Shining Through; Transylmania; Revolution; Renaissance Man; The Dark Tower; King Arthur: The Legend of the Sword; West Side Story; Evita; Norma Rae; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; My Fair Lady; Greed; Shoah; Pretty Woman; Mac and Me; The Dark Knight Rises