“Cutthroat Island” Podcast Movie Review

By Daniel Barnes on December 11, 2018 • ( 1 Comment )

Cutthroat Island (1995; Renny Harlin) – Dare Daniel Podcast Episode 28

“Bad dog!”

On this explosive episode of the Dare Daniel podcast, scurvy dogs Daniel Barnes and Corky McDonnell hang Renny Harlin’s inept 1995 action movie Cutthroat Island from the critical yardarm.

A notorious box office bomb that’s even worse than you could imagine, Cutthroat Island is a chaotic jumble of bad action, juvenile comedy and chilly romance, all wrapped in a cheesecloth of limp, lifeless pirate cliches.

Set in a universe where time, space and logic do not exist, the film stars Geena Davis as lady pirate/father-scalper Morgan Adams, while personality void Matthew Modine plays a con man posing as himself.

Daniel and Corky stop playing with their mini-muskets long enough to discuss Oliver Reed impersonators, King Charles the comedy monkey, surgery as sexual flirtation and Paul Verhoeven classics gained and lost.

CUTTHROAT ISLAND FACTS AND FIGURES

U.S. theatrical release date: December 22, 1995

Critic scores: 38 on Rotten Tomatoes; 37 on Metacritic

Box office performance: $10 million gross; $120 million budget

This week’s craft beer: Bike Dog Brewing‘s Downhill Double IPA (8.6% ABV)

This week’s Darer: Marco Cabodi

Why did Marco dare Daniel and Corky to watch Cutthroat Island? “For more than a decade it was the biggest bomb of all time. It has a notorious reputation and was hated by critics (‘cept Ebert liked it). Frank Langella and the soundtrack are rad.”

IMDB synopsis: “A female pirate and her companion race against their rivals to find a hidden island that contains a fabulous treasure.”

This week’s referenced movies: Showgirls; Starship Troopers; Titanic; the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise; xXx; Airplane!; Gladiator; Tommy; Exposed; Fifty Shades of Grey; The Silence of the Lambs; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; King Arthur: Legend of the Sword